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She never referred to Jane by any of the endearments she usedwith John. Instead, Nancy used terms like, honey or sweetie, as in,"Sweetie will you bring me the TV Guide." He followed suit and spoketo her as he heard women speak to each other in the office. Otherthings were different when Jane was home. Nancy made no attempt tosit next to Jane on the couch and cuddle up as she did with John. Shealso corrected Jane when she sat or walked in an un-ladylike fashion.For Christmas, Santa brought Jane a book on makeup techniques and apair of large gold hoop earrings.The number of days dressed as Jane actually decreased. A lot of thethings John liked to do were impossible as Jane, like washing the caror playing golf. Jane wasn't allowed to watch the same TV shows asJohn. Nancy insisted on controlling the remote and watching herfavorite shows, forget Monday Night Football. Nancy even asked Johnif he had given up on Jane since she hadn't seen her on almost amonth. He told her that he had just. " Will I at least have a cake and presents?" I asked. "It is my birthday!"I realized immediately that I was retreating into infantilism, probably asa defense against the stress of the losing my beloved father and the shockof this fearsome woman's abrupt change from stealth to attack mode."What a fucking sissy!" Gretchen said.This was not a new accusation. I had been a sensitive child, and wasstill a late bloomer, a sweet, indoors, craftsy kind of person, like mymother had been, while Mommie and Gretchen were rough and ready outdoorsytypes, like my father, until his rapid decline and death from cancer,which the doctors had attributed to toxin exposure at his giant chemicalplant, now controlled by Mommie until I reached the age of 21.I looked at them, my impotent rage growing, inflamed with the enormity oftheir evil. I said to them, "Don't you have any feelings at all? Can'tyou have some sympathy for an only child who lost his mother just fiveyears ago? And now his father? And of.
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